I was thinking the other day about how far I've come since I posted in 2008 about being a parentified child. At that time, I was still waking up with that elephant sitting on my chest--the trauma, shame, and fear would come while I slept and they would take over my heart and soul. I'd wake up, heart pounding, my mind and emotions in the trauma. And I'd feel like I was never going to get free of it.
If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would no longer have all the triggers and would no longer wake up with that elephant on my chest, I would never have believed them. I had nightmares most of my life. Sometimes someone was trying to kill me. Sometimes I was being chased. At one point, I learned how to fly in my dreams so I could get away from the danger. And then one night I told myself that I could not fly away from my problems anymore and after that I could no longer fly. I remember lying in bed wishing I could feel that sense of freedom I got when I flew.
And now I do. Now I have that freedom. It didn't come easily and it didn't come quickly. It came over a lifetime of doing the work, facing the fears, not giving into the emotions, and believing the truth.
The truth was that I WAS lovable. I was valuable. I was important to someone. I had a reason to live.
That was the truth that took me a lifetime to understand and to take into my heart so that I believed it more than I believed the lies.
The lies are what destroyed me. And when I learned that they were lies, I started tearing them down one by one. And as I tore each one down, a stronghold in my life was conquered and where I'd been weak, I was now strong.
I never thought I'd be free, but I am.
I believe that you can get free too.
2 comments:
I come from a childhood of witnessing and enduring domestic violence. I am discovering I am a parentified child as well. It is showing up all over my life. I am an extreme co-dependent. I assume the mother role to my two younger siblings and my own mother, even though I am in my thirties. I also have relationship issues, in that, I always seem to have to "take care" of my current boyfriend and others in my past. Can you offer some help at how to overcome this?
I come from a childhood of witnessing and enduring domestic violence. I am discovering I am a parentified child as well. It is showing up all over my life. I am an extreme co-dependent. I assume the mother role to my two younger siblings and my own mother, even though I am in my thirties. I also have relationship issues, in that, I always seem to have to "take care" of my current boyfriend and others in my past. Can you offer some help at how to overcome this?
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